Kiss of the Winter Moon Read online

  Kiss of the Winter Moon

  Amanda LeMay

  The Sakana Series Book 1

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  KISS OF THE WINTER MOON

  DEDICATION

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  EPILOGUE

  The Sakana Series continues with Book 2 | Shadow of the Summer Moon

  Acknowledgments

  A note from the author

  Sign up for Amanda LeMay's Mailing List

  Also By Amanda LeMay

  About the Author

  KISS OF THE WINTER MOON

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are

  either the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously,

  and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or business

  establishments, organizations or locales is completely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2018 by Amanda LeMay

  Cover art design by Patricia Schmitt

  Sakana icon design by Tarl Lambson

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act

  of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or

  transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or

  retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without

  permission is a theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you

  would like permission to use material from the book (other than for

  review purposes), please contact Amanda LeMay at

  [email protected]

  Kiss of the Winter Moon / Amanda LeMay

  First Edition: February 2018

  ISBN: 1976929636

  DEDICATION

  For Janna...

  “Can we just take a second to SQUEEEEEEEEE the eff out of this moment??????”

  Yes, Janna, yes we can.

  Finally.

  CHAPTER ONE

  “WANNA RUN, BABY GIRL?”

  My dad might have thought it was a simple question. It wasn’t. At least not to me.

  I yanked at the handle and smiled at the familiar creak as the old Chevy truck door swung open. The cold, wide-open Texas air struck me, along with the perfume of withered grass, dry earth, and horses. There were cattle out there as well, somewhere, roaming on the acres and acres of flat land and rolling hills. Above it all was a scent I had missed desperately for the last two years: clean and fresh and heavenly.

  “Go for it.” My dad reached over the side of the truck bed and pulled out two of my many suitcases. “Long plane ride, long truck ride...a nice run will probably do you some good.”

  I looked up at the big ranch house, shaded on one side by tall pines. Part of me was already in there—and in my mind’s eye, I wasn’t alone.

  Weird, how that worked. How seeing him in the flesh only twice in my life had made such an undeniable impression. Oh, I’d gazed on him a lot more than twice, but those other times were in the one and only photograph I had, or vivid dreams, or any other time my mind had nowhere else to focus.

  Go on in. Say “hey”. Try not to act so pathetically obsessed.

  “Jess.”

  I jumped at my dad’s clipped tone. “What?”

  A crease of confusion sat deep between golden eyes I’d been blessed to inherit. “What the hell did that pack do to you?”

  Shocked, I stared at him. A cold sweat burst out over my skin. There was no way he could know what had happened to me. I hadn’t told anyone, not even my best friend, Jules.

  “Nothing,” I choked out. “Why?”

  “Never seen you work so hard to make up your mind.” He reached in the back of the truck and lifted out two more suitcases. “If you’re worrying about Maygan, don’t. She knew you were coming in late. I’ll let her know you needed a run. It’s not that big a deal, baby girl.” He grabbed a couple more suitcases and set them down next to the others. “You’re not scared, are you? Of running out in the dark? Ain’t nothing out there you can’t handle.”

  I shook my head. “No, that’s not it.” The dark didn’t scare me. But to be surrounded by the clean, masculine scent I’d obsessed over for so long? Now that was scary. I’d set myself up for it, prepared for it. I could do it. I could be here, spend a nice relaxing two weeks, then move on with my new life plan.

  “I can go with you.” He gave my shoulder a playful bump. “Or I’m sure Dain would be glad to—”

  “Dad, no!” Out in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, with Dain, my obsession? Yeah...no. I kicked off my flats. “I’m okay, and yeah, I need a good run. I won’t be long.”

  “Take as much time as you need.” He tucked a couple of my suitcases under his arms, grabbed the handles of two more, and left me standing there as he took the steps up onto the porch.

  I stripped off my dress, bra, and panties. The cold air licked at my naked body, called to the wolf in me. Pushing off hard and shifting on the fly, I soared through the air. My paws hit the ground and I couldn’t run fast enough. But I needed to move a hell of a lot faster to outrun the desire to turn back, race into the house, and seek out what my heart and my body wanted more than anything else.

  After two long years spent cooped up in a tiny apartment in San Francisco, it felt fantastic to stretch my legs.

  I’d left my home in Albuquerque to find excitement, glamour, nightlife—because yeah, San Francisco. One week at my new job and anxiety had replaced excitement. Glamour? Somehow, I’d missed out on that. Nightlife? The City pack had their own private “nightlife” customs I, unfortunately, found myself tied up in, literally. Secret, forbidden customs I wasn’t allowed to talk about with anyone.

  I was an outsider. No matter how nice I was, or how well I did my job, only a few of my new packmates seemed to accept me. Well, in their grudgingly standoffish way. Still, I didn’t belong there. Deep in my human heart and wolf soul, I belonged in the wide-open country, not restricted to my little apartment in a big, stinky city. So, I was going home. Back to Albuquerque.

  I needed to break the news to my dad. Why I hadn’t told him during the ride back from the airport, I didn’t know. I’d hoped he would say something first—maybe ask me why I had packed my entire wardrobe into every suitcase I owned for a two-week vacation—but he hadn’t.

  My dad wasn’t the sort of male who would scold me for giving up. That wasn’t who he was. He’d been glad I’d wanted to seek out an adventure. He’d been thrilled I wanted to break out on my own. And he’d be just as happy I’d tried, and determined it wasn’t the life for me.

  But I’d failed. Failed.

  And that wasn’t even t
he right word for what I’d done. If there existed one word to describe how nothing had turned out the way I planned, I wasn’t familiar with it, but that was the word.

  The new-adventure experience wore off before the first full moon, a night I would’ve normally spent out dancing with my girlfriends, cutting loose, having a good time, but I’d ended up locked in my tiny apartment, pacing like a caged animal. I liked my job, but the odd, new pack and weird, oppressive rules were so not my style. That, and the fact I missed my family and friends like mad. And what was up with that strange, gaping hole in my heart, and the bizarre sensation that my soul had torn in two?

  I’d spent too much time wasted in misery, apart from everyone and everything I loved. In trying to move on, I’d cut all ties to my old life, even with my life-long friends, thinking the sounds of their voices would weaken my resolve. Looking back, I don’t know how long I would have wallowed in my self-imposed “solitary-confinement”. My true strength came from the love of my family, my friends, and the pack I’d grown up in. All it took to change my mind was the sound of my oldest brother’s voice on the phone, reminding me just how much love I had missed out on.

  Now, going home to Albuquerque was my new plan. With a new job. A new home. To family. To friends. To my pack. I ditched San Francisco. Packed everything I owned in a Pod and a bunch of mismatched suitcases, and jumped on a plane. All I needed was a two-week vacation over the Christmas holiday in the middle of Nowhere, Texas to relax, recharge, and reconnect.

  I stretched my legs to their limit and ran flat-out. Ran until every muscle in my body screamed from overuse. Of all the things I’d longed for over the last two years, the freedom to run out in the open stayed right there at the top of my list. It wasn’t for the lack of wide-open spaces. Plenty of beautiful, wild forests and national parks lay north and south of the City, but pack law made them off limits. Forbidden. Craziest stinking rule I’d ever heard.

  When my strength gave out and my claws lost their purchase in the hard ground, I skidded to a stop, flopped on my side, and breathed in the warm smell of the earth, the pungent scrub, the trees, and the night.

  I rolled on my back, ground the soil, dead leaves, and twigs into my golden, coffee-colored fur as I twisted my spine from side to side. Sweet heavens, it felt fantastic to get good and dirty. As I stared up into the night sky, millions of stars seemed to welcome me home. I howled my greeting back to them. Damn, I’d missed those little sparkling specks of light.

  The fresh air smelled clean and sweet. Like home. Not of the ocean or fish or seaweed or the thousands of other odors my sensitive nose picked up. Still, the fragrant scent of soil, the aromatic scrub and dry, brown winter grass reminded me of the other reason my adventure had failed.

  The most important reason.

  Him.

  Dain Louvel.

  My dad had mated his mom and stuck Dain with a label—step-brother—though I never thought of him in that sense.

  And I thought about him a lot.

  Every damn day.

  For two years.

  Perhaps, when I saw him again, the overwhelming need to be near him, to touch him, to taste his scent on my tongue, to feel the warmth of his skin, will have faded. If not, then I’d deal with it, stick to my plan, and move on.

  I rolled and stood up on shaky legs. Sniffed the cold air to find my way, found the thread...his scent...and let my nose lead me back to where I wanted to be.

  CHAPTER TWO

  “HUNGRY?” MAYGAN SMILED as I slumped into the sturdy wooden chair and laid my head on the cool, beaten wood of the oak table.

  “Yes, starving.”

  I’d dressed outside in the dark. Every muscle in my body trembled and twitched from overuse. I’d had to lean against the truck to catch my breath and steady my heart.

  I am so out of shape. I hadn’t hurt in such a good way in a long time.

  I traced my fingers over the woodgrain that ran the length of the table. Without some kind of electronic device in them, my hands felt empty—naked. I let out a long, low breath.

  Unplug.

  Unplugging was part of the promise I had made the second I’d stepped on the plane to Texas. Recharge, reconnect, unplug. I’d spent the last two years with either a phone, a tablet, or an iPad attached to my body in some fashion. My vacation in Comfort was about getting my life back. No vendors to haggle with. No clients to please. No events to schedule. Time to focus on the good things in my life I missed so much.

  Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I saw an hour had passed since Dad and I had traveled up in the long, long driveway.

  “Leftovers okay with you?” Maygan had pulled enough food from the fridge to feed a pack of wolves.

  I sat up, leaning heavily on the back of the chair. “You bet.” The savory, homey smells filling Maygan’s kitchen made my mouth water in anticipation. “I’m easy. I wouldn’t expect you to set out a full-course meal at midnight. I’d be fine with peanut butter and jelly.”

  “I think I can do a little better than that.” She smiled and moved around, removed foil from a plate, picked up a knife, lit a burner on the massive, cast-iron stove, and basically multi-tasked like the world’s greatest chef.

  I hadn’t seen—hadn’t wanted to see—how perfect Maygan was for my dad. So many things about her were the complete opposite of my mother. The sleek, raven-black of her hair compared to the almost white-blond my mother had had. Her dark brown eyes to my mother’s pale blue. Living and working on a huge, sprawling ranch as opposed to a high-rise office position. Maygan’s Texas accent compared to my mother’s slight European accent. My parents had been the Green Acres couple, but their sakana bond made it work. A bond so rare, so precious, and so sacred, not many wolves would ever experience one in their long lifetime. To find a second sakana, another wolf to share your soul, was rarer still. When my dad met Maygan, the pain of my mother’s death was still too close for me to accept that he’d been blessed with a second sakana bond.

  So, I’d left, using the excuse that I needed to get out in the world.

  “I’m sorry, it was rude, just taking off without coming in to say hey or anything.” There were many other things I needed to apologize for, but all the words I had memorized jumbled up in my head and sat, bitter, on the back of my tongue.

  I have two weeks. I’ll settle in. I’ll get around to it.

  “No need to apologize. Not that I’ve ever been there, but I don’t imagine there are many wide-open spaces for you to run in San Francisco.”

  “Well, yeah there is, several big parks and lots of wooded space outside of the city, but I got the big warning that I should never, under any circumstance, step outside in my wolf form. Rule’s got his pack on lockdown. Absolutely no outdoor wolf activity. I don’t know how the pack can stand living under such tight control. I mean, the highlight of my month was pacing the little hallway of my apartment during full moon. I swear, I was going out of my mind.”

  “Two years of that and I’d seriously want to kill something.” Her laugh was deep, sweet, and honest.

  The sound of sizzling food filled the air along with the aroma of butter browning in the giant cast-iron skillet. Browned butter. The scent alone took the little strength I had left and melted it away.

  “That smells so good. I haven’t eaten butter in almost two years.”

  Maygan turned with a spatula in hand. “What? That’s crazy talk.”

  “I didn’t really think about food until I couldn’t eat it anymore.”

  “What do you mean you couldn’t eat it anymore? Didn’t Rule pay you enough to cover your expenses and food?” Her hands went to her hips, a fierce look replacing her sweet smile. “Or was someone keeping you from eating?”

  “No, nothing like that. It’s just there was no place to run off what I ate.” My hands reached out for something to hold and I yanked them back. “I’d been warned against leaving the city, so cutting back on food was my only option.”

  “Oh, I see.” Her smil
e returned as she turned back around to flip something in the skillet. “There are other ways to work it off.”

  “I tried. There was a gym in my apartment building and at work, but—did you know, it’s not the same—working your human muscles, that is.”

  She turned back to me, a sly smile on her pretty face, “I’m not talking about that kind of workout.”

  Sex. “Oh. Oh! Well ...” My cheeks prickled with heat.

  “Well?” She laughed and turned back to her stove.

  “Well...uh...”

  The males I’d worked with were stuck-up control freaks who had decided to initiate me into their “nightlife” customs. After one introduction into their kind of kink, I’d made it clear once was enough for me. If I dared to go the “alternative” sex route again, it would be with someone I trusted with all my heart and soul, not some dominant prick who didn’t understand the words “no”, “stop”, or “untie me now so I can kick your ass”.

  “Sex. Uh... I tried that too, not, you know, too much.” Because once was enough. “But I found some of those city wolf boys are nothing but spoiled, arrogant douchebags.”

  Maygan burst out laughing and I followed right along.

  “It’s true!” I said between fits of laughter. The tension in my overworked muscles seemed to melt away. “I’m not sure they really knew how to, you know...”

  “Fuck?”

  “Yes!”

  My cheeks burned. This was Maygan, my dad’s mate. Dain’s mother. And here we were, talking like we were best girlfriends. And, it was okay. Comfortable.

  “They can’t get it up unless they’re asserting their dominance and then after they’re done letting you know who’s boss, the sex part is over before it even started. I swear, if I had wanted a three-minute workout, I could’ve had sex with a human.”

  And that was never going to happen again, especially when the only male I wanted, lived here in this house.

  We were both wiping tears from our eyes when my dad walked in.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Maygan grabbed a plate and placed something brown, buttery, and meaty on it then, set it down in front of me.